On pursuing not knowing

Photo by me!

Have you ever heard the saying, when the student is ready, the teacher appears? I had one of those moments this week. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on finding ease, lightness, and joy during times of stress, frustration, and uncertainty. I attended a meditation session on Friday where the teacher talked about a concept that, because of my reflections, I was primed to hear.

He talked about how we often say, I don’t know why, but I don’t feel good. Wouldn’t it be a beautiful thing if we could instead say more often:

I don’t know why, but I’m smiling.

We have been trained since we were very young that it’s important to know things. To know the right answers in school, to know how to do things well, to know what the right decisions are in life. In other words, to prioritize being perfect and having a full grasp and understanding of everything in our lives.

If only life was simple enough to be easily contained and understood. The need to know only takes us so far. Instead of giving us the security and control we hope it will bring, it often leads to dissatisfaction, frustration, and struggle. It would be a wonderful challenge for us to practice not knowing.

Saying I don’t know is different from saying I don’t need to know or I don’t want to know. Then the ego is getting involved. Instead, I don’t know why, but I’m smiling is about exploring being in a place where you’re OK with not knowing. You’re OK with resting or pausing in that state of uncertainty, of flux, of unknowing. That place where you lack control and understanding. And while looking right at that unknowing, you smile.

This week, notice your desire to know or to have all the answers. Maybe there are times where you can say to yourself, I don’t know why, but I’m smiling.